April 2012 Newsletter...

***Normally we would email our newsletter but we thought more people would see it if it was available on our blog.***


                                    April 2012 
PAUSE (Parents Against Unsafe Sleep Environments) Newsletter


                             PAUSE Babies:


             Please welcome to the world and to PAUSE these babies.

We welcome to the world Caleb Robert was was born March 5, 2012 
weighing 7 pounds and 7.5 ounces and 20 inches long. He is welcomed by his wonderful parents Jason & Jill and his 2 sisters who are just in love with their new baby brother Breah and Makailee. Caleb is a blessing to this family who has waited a long time for him.




******PAUSE'S 1st CONTEST**********


With the help of Halo SleepSack we are happy to announce we have our first contest for our fans to win a Halo SleepSack Crib Set to keep their baby safe. It is recommended not to use blankets or bumper pads in your baby's crib but it's hard to buy a crib set without buying these unneeded and dangerous items. Halo has come out with a crib set to keep your little one safe. it comes with a Halo Swaddler, a Halo SleepSack size small, 2 crib sheets, and a crib shirt, and comes in 6 different designs. It does not include blankets or bumper pads. Online the crib set would cost you $115.00 but right now we are offering 2 fans (one on our FB Fan Page and on Pinterest Page) For the contest rules and two chances to enter please click here. You may also vote for the babies sleeping safely pictures for the pinterest contest by Clicking here. To vote for contestants on FB click here. To vote click the like button 1 like = 1 vote. The contest will end on May 11, 2012 so make sure to get your entries in before than. We will announce the two lucky winners on May 18, 2012. Which means you have an extra week to vote for your favorites. If you vote for yourself on either contests, your vote will not be included. Once we announce the winners we will contact you to see which design you want (you can choose from 5 different designs) and Halo SleepSack will ship it directly to you. Good luck and happy voting ;)


A fan on PAUSE shared this picture with me and I thought it was just too cute! We often see pictures of the funny positions are babies and children get into but usually it is in an unsafe sleep environment. So that got me thinking we would love you to submit photos of your little ones in funny or weird positions but where safe sleep is being practiced. Please email us your pictures to pausesafesleep@gmail.com

Diana at 12 months old sleeping in her crib with her feet up. Silly girl ;)


Please head over to our fan page we have added 2 new notes of the guilt, sadness, and grief of families who lost their babies to unsafe sleep. 




A real problem is that the media (T.V. shows, parenting magazines, movies) and even stores that sell baby products are constantly displaying and showing unsafe sleep for infants. We need to change that. I would encourage everyone to print this flyer from First Candle and hand them out to local stores or have them printed in your local newspaper, and submit them to parenting magazines and educate the public on how crucial it is for parents and caregivers to see safe sleep environments to change how families create their own children's sleep environments. We lead my example so many if parents see it often enough they will start practicing what they see. http://www.firstcandle.org/cms/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/SafeSleep_ImageGuidelines.pdf


Each month we will be featuring a baby who's life was lost and how now their death is serving as a way to educate parents on how important safe sleep is and to show that what happened to them can happen to you if you do not follow safe sleep guidelines for your infants.

                             ****Angel of the Month****

      Carl MatthewTamburrino April 12, 1992 - May 1, 1992
His mother Sara was bed sharing with Carl when he died. His death was diagnosed as SIDS now years later Sara believes that it is possible he was too close to his mom and suffocated on her night gown. Sara now works for SIDS Resources in Missouri. They provide support for families who have suffered an infant loss and help educate their community on the importance of safe sleep for infants. Please find them on FB here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/SIDS-Resources/201711263186543. With Sara's loss, and her educational background she is an asset who knows first hand how tragedy can strike a loving family and now uses her experience to teach parents what a safe sleep environment looks like.

We are really getting into pinterest and have some new boards please follow us on Pinterest and check out our boards and if you would like to add a picture email us at pausesafesleep@gmail.com

Unsafe baby Products
Safe Nursery Ideas
Baby Sleeping Dangerously Award (Before We Knew It Was Was Dangerous

We would love to here stories from our fans if PAUSE has helped you and your little one in any way. We want to know that this page and our work is useful to our fans and would love to post a testimonial note. You can comment here or send us a message if some how we have helped you and your little one to sleep safely. you mail email us from our fan page or at pausesafesleep@gmail.com

From one of our new fans...

"Hello - I just so happened to come upon this page...I have a 6 month old son... every 

morning he wakes up at 6:30 and I put him in to the bed with me & my partner until about 

8ish and we all fall back to sleep....after seeing this & looking through the pictures of all the

little angels...tomorrow morning I will NOT be putting him in bed with us...even if he 

wakes at 4/5/6 I don't care id rather bring him downstairs to play then something awful 

happening to him...thank you for opening my eyes...you never know...you could of just 

saved my sons life." ~Maxime

Thank you Maxime for your words and for making sure your baby is sleeping safely.

                        Remembering Our Angels

                  We are remembering Carl this month on his 20th Birthday (April 12, 1992)

                        Remembering Corynn on her 4th Birthday (April 3, 2008)

Remembering Kirstyn on her 15th Birthday (April 10, 1997)

Remembering Charlie on his 3rd Birthday (April 19, 2009)

   

I will leave you with this little quote. I relate this with all of us at PAUSE and all our fans

 who try so hard to educate others...

Making A Difference

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up. As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean. He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?" The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean." "I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man. To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die." Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!" At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

                                *One by one we are saving babies lives*

CONTEST: Win A Halo SleepSack Crib Set..... {Details}

On our fan page PAUSE (Parents Against Unsafe Sleep Environments)and our pinterest page Pause Sleep we are having a contest for 2 of our fans to win a Halo SleepSack Crib Set. Halo is being very generous to donate 2 of these crib sets to two lucky winners. If you bought this from their site it would cost you $115.00 but for a short time you have the chance to win one. I hope you are excited about this! I know we are :)

Designed with whimsical prints, the HALO® Safe Sleep Crib Set™ will help create a beautiful and safe nursery for your little one.  The American Academy of Pediatrics and leading safety organizations warn against the use of soft, loose bedding and bumpers in cribs. Instead of potentially dangerous comforters and bumpers, this award-winning five-piece Safe Sleep Crib Set contains only those things your baby needs to sleep safe and sound from the start: a coordinating SleepSack Swaddle (Newborn), HALO SleepSack wearable blanket (Small), two soft 100% cotton jersey fitted crib sheets and matching decorative skirt. Used by hundreds of hospitals nationwide, the HALO SleepSack is the #1 choice of hospitals and parents alike, and a portion of every sale goes to First Candle/SIDS Alliance and the Canadian Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths.  This all-in-one crib set will give you everything you need for your nursery, and baby, to be as safe as they possibly can be!  

   

• No loose blankets or bumpers, for safer sleep.  
• Includes 2-in-1 adjustable SleepSack Swaddle that allows for swaddling arms in or arms out to ensure an easy transition to the SleepSack wearable blanket when it is time to stop swaddling. 100% cotton. Size newborn fits 6-12 lbs.  
• Includes a HALO SleepSack wearable blanket that replaces loose blankets that can cover a baby’s face and interfere with breathing.  100% Cotton.  Size Small fits 10-18lbs.  It’s the #1 choice of hospital nurseries and used in hundreds of hospitals to help teach new parents about safe sleep.  
• Two, 100% Cotton Jersey fitted crib sheets; one solid, one in coordinating print.  Plus, one coordinating decorative crib skirt.  
• A favorite of parents, this set has been awarded the 2012 Parent Tested Parent Approved, NAPPA and Cribsie Awards.  

So how do you win one of these, well let me tell you. On our FB page click on the link provided and like our page. Then on the top right you will see a "message" button. Send us a message on why you believe safe sleep for a baby is so crucial. It shouldn't be more than 2 paragraphs long. We will then post it in our album FB Safe Sleep Blurb Halo SleepSack Contest Album. You may share this album on your wall and have your friends and family vote for you. To vote they have to like the picture. If you vote for yourself, it won't be counted.

For on Pinterest Contest follow us on pinterest and then take a picture of your baby sleeping safely or if you are pregnant take a picture of your safe nursery and email it to pausesafesleep@gmail.com. In the email include your name, your baby's name and the age they are. It will then be uploaded here: http://pinterest.com/pausesafesleep/contest-pictures-of-your-lo-sleeping-safely-or-saf/ Again share this link on your page and have your friends and family vote for your picture. To vote they have to like the picture.

The person with the most votes will win a Halo SleepSack Crib set and Halo will ship it directly to you. Now you can not win both contests as that wouldn't be fair, but you may enter both to double your chances of winning. You have until May 11, 2012 to get your entries in and we will announce the winners of both contests on May 18, 2012 (it gives everyone a week to vote for their favorite safe sleep blurb and safe baby/nursery photo). Make sure on FaceBook you are able to receive message from people not on your friends list so we can send you a message. Also keep on the look out on our FB Fan Page for us to announce the winners. We will then we will contact you to let you know you won and to get your mailing address to ship you the Halo SleepSack Crib Set.

This contest is only for U.S. residents. You can enter for someone who has a baby or who is expecting. What does a safe sleep photo look like? A picture of baby on their back, in a halo sleep sack, or dressed for the weather (no blankets, bumper pads, pillows, or stuffed animals in the baby's sleep environment. Baby must be sleeping in a crib, pack n play, or basinette. For a nursery photo there should be nothing in the crib but a fitted sheet.

If you do win here are the 5 designs you can choose from.

Good luck and get those entries in. The sooner you get them in, the sooner others can start voting :)

Infant Sleep Related Deaths....SIDS and SUID

SIDS which stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is a diagnose of exclusion. Which means that when a seemingly healthy infant dies an autopsy is performed to see if the infant's body leaves any clues to what caused a baby to die. A death scene investigation is also performed looking at the environment the baby died in. Where the baby was found. A crib, in an adult bed, on a couch, in a swing or maybe a car seat. They also look at what position the baby was in when it was found. They also receive medical records from the pediatrician or hospital if applicable. Parents or caregivers are questioned and give either a coroner, medical examiner, or death scene investigator the details leading up to the child's death. It becomes an investigation for these professionals to find out what happened to this baby and to be able to give parents answers to what caused their child's death. I personally believe infant deaths that occur when the baby is sleeping is probably one of the hardest deaths to diagnose. SIDS and other sleep related infant deaths are hard to determine because when talking about a baby dying from SIDS or SUID (Sudden Unexplained Infant Deaths) first of all their body is very small which makes it harder to find clues that will explain their death. Also if a baby dies from SIDS there are often no signs, which also happens to be true when an infant dies from suffocation like a parent who bed shares and somehow the child suffocates whether from a parental layover or something obstructing the baby's airway. Now if an adult suffocated there would be physical signs but an infant is so tiny than the signs you would typically find in adults you most likely would not see in an infant.

Let me give you a good example:
My son Jaleel died while we were bed sharing even though I was not over weight, on drugs, and had not consumed alcohol. I placed my son on a pillow and rolled over and went to sleep. Now the next morning the pillow was found on top of his body. Now when the coroner came and questioned me I did not tell him about the pillow, I was scared. So they had a missing piece to what caused his death so they had to work with the clues they had which was he was breastfed 2 hours before bed, he was alive when I went to sleep, he was put to sleep on his back, but was found on his stomach in the morning, we were bed sharing and what physical signs they found on Jaleel and the light pink froth that was found on the sheet, pillow, and the dried froth that was on his face, and his autopsy. Now his autopsy came back saying "Undetermined with a history of co-sleeping" Which basically means they believed he died as a direct result of bed sharing but they could not prove it so had to put his cause of death as "undetermined" My son suffocated from that pillow but even an autopsy couldn't determine if he suffocated. The medical examiner who performed my son's autopsy said that with an infant that small even under a microscope it is very hard to tell if a baby suffocated.

Now we have come a long way in twenty years. We know some rules to help provide a safe sleep environment  that could lessen the chances of an infant dying. Like back to sleep, putting your baby on their back to sleep EVERY TIME, even at nap times. Babies who are put on their back to sleep and then sometimes on their stomach have a higher risk of dying from SIDS than a baby who is always placed to sleep on their stomach. We are learning that blankets, bumper pads, fluffy bedding, and bed sharing increase a baby's chance of dying. We know breastfeeding is very beneficial to the baby in many ways including lowering the risk of SIDS, but breastfed babies die from SIDS too! We know that introducing a pacifier can also reduce the risk of SIDS, and that over heating can contribute to SIDS and having a fan in the babies room can help to circulate the air that also can reduce the risk of SIDS. The more babies die (sadly) provides us with more answers and ways to protect our baby while sleeping, but there is one problem I have found with all this knowledge. First of all you have the parents who will say this is a little over board and that she was raised sleeping on her stomach, with bumper pads, blankets and she survived. Yes this mom did but they are thousands out there that didn't. Just because you survived or your kids did doesn't make it okay not to practice safe sleep guidelines for your present or future children and grandchildren. We need to be better than previous generations who didn't have the knowledge we do. We need to practice safe sleep to lower the risk of infant death and also for the babies who died because without them we wouldn't know what we do today! Please don't let their deaths be in vain, please provide a safe sleep space for your baby so at least something good can come from their death.

Another issue I have is the Internet. Now the Internet can be an amazing thing and it can be a horrible tool also. If you google bed sharing or co-sleeping you will find many articles citing how dangerous the practice is and how great it is. Online everyone can write a status, a blog, an article where others can search which can be great but you need to consider the source when it comes to taking advice on how you raise your children. Dr.Sears & Dr.McKennaMcKenna are not trained in SIDS reduction, they aren't SIDS experts and do not know the dangers that bed sharing can cause to an infant. Dr.Sears advises parents to bed share because it worked for him & his wife. Now that is great that it worked for his family. I am glad he doesn't know the pain and guilt that comes with losing a child to a bed sharing accident, but just because his kids were lucky does not mean it is a safe practice. When you become a doctor you take an oath to do no harm. I am sure in these doctors minds they aren't doing harm but sadly they are. Now Dr.McKenna has made some outrageous statements like babies who bed share don't cry. I understand his point for saying this because the mom is right there to meet the baby's needs but ALL babies cry regardless of where they sleep. I bed shared with two of my children and they both cried. Any doctor who studies infant deaths and the causes will tell you that bed sharing is a deadly practice even when so called "safe bed sharing" is practiced. The stories I could tell you like the mom who lost her daughter at 5 hours old after a nurse put the baby on a pillow to help get her to latch on and it worked and mom and baby feel asleep next thing this mother knows her newborn is whisked away as they try to work on her. Could you imagine having your baby and announcing it on Facebook and then hours later you are informing everyone your baby died due to an uneducated nurse? Or the mom who knew the risks associated with bed sharing and just ONE time she put her son in bed while she nursed and they fell asleep and next thing she knows he is dead, he died while nursing and somehow suffocated. Or the mom who bed shared and placed stuffed animals on the floor near the bed in case her daughter fell off the bed, she did fall off and suffocated on those stuffed animals, or the mom who slept with her baby and in the morning her shoulder was pressed into his face. These stories are real, babies die to educated parents who thought they were doing the best thing for their baby and now they have to live without their child and life with a life of guilt and what ifs.

I have really gotten off topic of what I wanted this post to be about and I apologize for that! The problem with SIDS  is even after decades of research and infants dying we still can't pin point what is the factor that causes these babies to die. I believe SIDS is real and my heart breaks for anyone who loses their child, especially when you have no clues to why your baby suddenly and unexpectedly died but SIDS and other infant deaths have become a real problem on many levels. Let me explain what I mean. I hope I do not offend anyone, as that is not my intent. This is my personal opinion take it for what it's worth, remember what I said about sources on the internet. First of all, we need to stop using a SIDS diagnosis as this is what by baby died from, when really it's a syndrome of no one knows why my baby died. SIDS isn't a cause of death it's an exclusion of death. All these years and we still don't know why babies die, so it had to be called something and so SIDS is the name, but the term doesn't explain what the baby died of, it explains what the baby didn't die of.

Another problem I have it how SIDS & SUIDS are diagnosed. There is no nation wide protocol, they are no signs to point to a SIDS death. two babies die in different counties both unexplained and sudden infant deaths and yet one baby is labeled as SIDS and the other is labeled undetermined also know as an SUID death. The coroner or medical examiner can put what ever they believe caused the death which is easy to do when you don't have a definitive cause of death. These days it is rare (well not rare but not as common as it was even five or ten years ago) for an autopsy to say SIDS. M.E,'s (Medical Examiners) are using other terms instead like undetermined, SUID, cause unknown SUDI (Sudden Unexpected Death in Infancy), among others. I believe if a baby dies and they cannot find any contributing factors that caused the death then SIDS should be used! Now at the same time I do believe that SIDS is over diagnosed much like ADHD is. When your baby dies suddenly and at such a young age like in infancy parents are counting on the professionals who handle their baby's death to find the answers. No parent wants their child to have an autopsy performed but we don't have a choice as it is a state law when someone especially a healthy child dies. We expect to have answers that is why is it so crucial that the professionals gather all the information they can from all sources they can. Let me give you the opportunity to change how these deaths are handled and how they are classified. There is a bill we are desperately trying to get passed. The Stillbirth and SUID Prevention, Education and Awareness Act (S 1862/ HR 3418) is a bill that would provide education and prevention and a cause for stillbirths and for SIDS and SUID deaths would change so we have a standard across the board of how these deaths are examined and diagnosed please click on this link from the CJ for SIDS Foundation to learn more and to ask your local Representative to co-sponsor this crucial bill

I also have a problem with the terminology we use. There is a difference between bed sharing (when you sleep with a baby in bed with you) and co-sleeping (when the baby sleep next to you, but in their own sleep environment) also know as room sharing.  There is also a difference between SIDS and SUID. When an infant dies while sleeping we shouldn't assume the baby died from SIDS, because many babies do not die of SIDS. Sometimes a baby dies from a preventable death like from bed sharing, or a baby who dies from bumper pads, r blankets. These are not SIDS deaths but SUID, and yet when an infant dies the public assumes it is SIDS. We need to distinguish the difference between the different types of sleeping, along with the different types of infant deaths related to sleep.

Until we have better deaths scene investigations (and maybe that includes better training on what a SIDS death consists of and what a SUID death consists of) Now granted, I understand not all deaths are clear but sometimes we are labeling an infant death SIDS when is isn't and an SUID death when it isn't. How can we ever have better answers if these professionals put whatever they want down. This is their job and I would hope they can be professional regardless of their personal feelings. I believe many babies are dying from unsafe sleep and yet without the correct statistics on these deaths we will never have the answers. Regardless if it is SIDS or an SUID death there are steps as a parent or caregiver we can do to reduce the risk of death. You wouldn't risk placing your child in a car without a car seat, so don't risk your child's life while sleeping. Learn from the babies who have died so we would have better answers so your baby doesn't become a statistic. Think of it..babies spend most of their time sleeping, so wouldn't it make sense to protect them from hidden dangers while they do what they do best....{sleep} If you have any questions especially sleep related please do not hesitate to leave a comment, shoot us an email at pausesafesleep@gmail.com or find us on our FB page. Together we can make a difference by educating on safe sleep especially friends or family who are expecting a baby or who have infants and toddlers, by asking your Representative to co-sponsor the bill I mentioned above.  Let's worth together to dramatically reduce the infant mortality in our country and other countries as well. Our children are our future, what kind of future will we have if babies keep dying?

Successful Breast Feeding DOES NOT = Bed Sharing

The LLC (La Leche League) claims that bed sharing makes breast feeding possible and more successful according to many articles like this one that states their reasons for supporting safe bed sharing. I wonder if Barbara Sturmfels, has ever heard of Dayton West whose mother was following "safe bed sharing" guidelines. A mother who wasn't overly-tired, who exclusively breast fed, who was not using drugs of any kind, didn't drink, and isn't obese and yet she woke up one fateful morning with her shoulder pressed into her son's face. His death would have never of happened if she was properly educated on safe sleep and the dangers of bed sharing. What would Ms. Sturmfels have to say about Dayton's story? Or what about Neveah Litchfield whose mother was bed sharing and took every precaution to keep her daughter safe. She put stuffed animals on the floor next to the bed so if Neveah did fall off, she would be protected. One morning she did fall off that bed and landed on those stuffed animals and sadly she suffocated and died because her mom didn't know the dangers of bed sharing. The list goes on and on. There are many stories of moms who thought they were doing what was best for their children by listen to organizations like the LLC, Dr. Sears, & Dr.McKenna. A perfect example of that is Corynn Kernan. This is from Corynn's mother in her own words, "We planned on raising our daughter the same way we were raising our son in the attachment parenting style. No cribs with bars that resembled jail cells for us, no way! Our little one would know how important and loved she was by being as close to mom as possible at all times, especially for on demand night nursing."

This mom believed that  the best thing for her little girl was to bed share, and when Corynn was two months old she died from bed sharing! We want to believe nothing bad will happen to our babies, we try our best to protect them. We research and research on how to keep our baby safe. More and more families are bed sharing and so it only makes sense that before we bring our baby into the family bed we research how safe it is. Dr. Kames McKenna & Dr. Bob Sears tell their patients how safe bed sharing is and it is easy to find such articles like these that support and promote bed sharing:

Why Babies Shouldn't Sleep Alone

Co-Sleeping:Yes, No, Sometimes?

The problem with articles such as these, is McKenna & Sears do not know how many babies die from bed sharing, they don't research how safe it is, because they are not experts on what is killing babies from SIDS & SUID'S. Did you know that Dr. Bob Sears recommends parents bed share because it worked for him & his wife, not because it is safer. 

Did you know that Dr.McKenna has done studies on bed sharing but in a labatory not in a family's own home, or in their own sleeping environment. McKenna has said some outrageous things when it comes to bed sharing, like babies who sleep with their mother don't cry. Now, I don't know about you but when I bed shared my kids cried to let me know they were hungry, how can McKenna who claims to know so much about babies who bed share and not even know they cry, like any baby who cries to communicate.

Now did you also know that parents who lost their baby to bed sharing after following these doctors (and I use that word loosely) advice refuse to even acknowledge them or their loses. They claim that babies only die from bed sharing if a mom is NOT following their so called "safe sleep" If they believed bed sharing is so safe then why do they have a disclaimer on their pages? 

Bed sharing is being lazy, and I can admit that because I use to be you! I breast fed so I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to make a bottle and I bed shared so all I would have to do is roll over fed my daughter as we both fell asleep, thankfully she did survive, my son wasn't so lucky!

Did you know 80 % of babies who die from SIDS or SUID die while in an unsafe sleep environment. That bed sharing increases the risk of SIDS by putting a tiny helpless baby in unsafe sleep environment. We are suppose to protect our kids because they are too little to protect themselves. Some of the best mothers in the world, lost their babies by doing what they thought or were told was best!!! Did you know more babies die while bed sharing then babies who die sleeping in a crib? Did you also know you can breast feed successfully without bed sharing? Let me share a couple stories of mothers who breast fed and didn't bed share....

My name is Leslie and I am from Sydney Australia. I breastfed my son for 7 months and during that time I did not bed share. From day one when my son was ready for a feed I would get him out of his cot and take him into the lounge room to feed. I would feed him, settle then put him back to sleep. I had a few reasons for this. Firstly it was to not disturb my husband while he was sleeping as he had to get up early to work. In the early days I did try once to feed in bed but I found I was to sleepy and got straight out of bed! When I turned the tv on the time passed quicker and it would stimulate me to stay awake & being out of the bedroom made other things easily accessible like nappies, cloths, wipes etc!!
When I was pregnant with my son me and my partner discussed our thought on issues like these and for us when our son was up one of us was out in the lounge room with him!"

This is from a mom of three babies who breast fed without bed sharing. She writes....

"I became a mother at 17 years old to a happy healthy 5lb 14oz baby boy ... he was and is my word! He and his brother and sister. From the time I found out I was pregnant I wanted the best for him and that included breastfeeding. It would be a lie if I said it was easy because it wasn't. I fell asleep while nursing him when he was 4 days old. I woke up soaked in milk, he was soaked, and his dad was soaked. All of us were wet and sticky... that only happpend once I realized how dangerous that could have been! So from that point on when it was time to get up and nurse I would get a tall glass of ice water (as you become very thirsty in the first few months of breastfeeding). I would either go to the rocking chair or just sit up in bed if I wasnt extremly tired. Never nurse while laying in bed it is too easy to fall asleep when your tired.  I would turn the tv on or I would sing to him while he ate. I would burb, change and back to his pack n play that was pressed against my bed where I could see him without having to get up. I could reach over and touch his chest to make sure he was ok, but never again in my bed. I did the same with all three of my children. I hear a lot of mothers that claim they bed share because of bonding or because it's "safer" or because they want them close. I am here to tell you that you can bond while breastfeeding and not bedsharing. I have 3 times they even have beds that connect to yours so your baby is close to you and safe from the bed time thrashing we all do in our sleep! I have nursed all three of my beautifull babies and support breastfeeding and extended nursing also. What I do not support is LLC condoning bedsharing or telling anyone that it is safe because it isn't!"

Breast feeding can be successful without placing your baby in your bed to sleep. Babies have suffocated while breast feeding and bed sharing, why not bond with your baby while nursing (nursing is so special and something only you can give your baby) It's another way to bond instead of falling asleep while they eat. You wouldn't prop up a bottle if your baby was formula fed so why are you "propping up your breast". They grow up so fast, spend anytime with them you can including feeding. Not to mention newborns and older babies need their diaper changed when they wake up for their feedings, so get out of bed change the baby and nurse and read them a book, sing a song, or just talk to them. Because you can't bond when you both are sleeping!!!

How do we change minds...

I have been educating parents and caregivers on how to create a safe sleep environment for infants and even toddlers for almost two years now. PACS (Parents Against Co-Sleeping) was created we have since removed that fan page and have created PAUSE (Parents Against Unsafe Sleep Environments) a group that educates on how to provide a safe sleep environment for infants because putting your baby to sleep right, helps ensure they make it through the night!

If you are a member of PAUSE or know me it is no secret why I am so passionate about safe sleep for infants, but if you don't know I will enlighten you. My son Jaleel was my third child and I bed shared with him and he died from accidental suffocation while bed sharing. I bed shared unsafely and the result was my 26 day old son died. I did not consume alcohol, was not under the influence of drugs (illegal or over the counter), and I am not obese nor were there anyone in the bed besides myself and my son. I bed shared unsafely because I placed my son on a pillow one time and it only took that once to end his life. It is most likely I rolled over on him based on the position of him and the pillow. Now I have been told by many people who advocate or practice bed sharing that I should educate on how to safely bed share instead of saying no bed sharing. I will agree that if you practice so called "safe bed sharing guidelines" you may decrease the risk of death by a small percent but the only way to reduce the risk of death by 100 % from bed sharing, is not to bed share. In my experience the people who yell the loudest about how bed sharing is beneficial and can be done safely are the same ones who are practicing the unsafest bed sharing practices. That is why my son's story is crucial because it shows what CAN and DOES happen not only when you bed share but when you do so UNSAFELY! I see parents constantly posting pictures of infants bed sharing and not following safe bed sharing guidelines. Examples: Dad bed sharing with baby, siblings in bed with baby, fluffy blankets and pillows near the baby's face, parents falling asleep with their babies in recliners and sofas just to name a few. Not one of these scenarios are safe ways to bed share. I know parents who put their baby to sleep on pillows...the only difference between those babies and mine is that those babies survived! We all need to take responsibility for creating a safe sleep environment for babies and educating parents and caregivers on what a safe sleep environment looks like compared to what an unsafe one looks like. Many parents and even child care providers are unaware of the dangers of a baby sleeping in an adult bed (even if they are the only ones in the bed) or things that should never be part of a baby's sleep space like bumper pads, stuffed animals, blankets, soft mattress or bedding and that is why PAUSE exists so you have a place to get information on how to protect your baby while they are sleeping.

Now like I have stated I have a personal issue to spread the word on safe sleep. I love what I do even though I do not get paid for it. Now when you are a bereaved parent who lost their child to a preventable death you want to tell everyone how dangerous it is and there is a safer way. Like bed sharing is dangerous and a safer way is to room share, but not everyone is willing to listen and that is to be expected. A friend posted a podcast by Carol Tavris "Mistakes Were Made" It was very interesting. It talks about the Theory of Cognitive Dissonance which is when a discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognition's (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously. In a sate of dissonance, people may feel surprise, dread, guilt, anger, or embarrassment. The theory of cognitive dissonance in social  psychology proposes  that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by altering existing cognition's or adding new ones to create consistency. Basically this means that even when people are shown evidence supporting a different opinion or theory of their own they cling to their opinion and research because they cannot believe or accept that bed sharing is dangerous and they are putting their child's life at risk, so instead they stick to their beliefs and may even believe even stronger when someone tries to challenge their own beliefs or thoughts. They believe bed sharing is safe and they have their own research to back it up. They have to believe their way is the right way, that is it beneficial to not only their baby but to their relationship as parent and child.

Now I have learned a lot in the almost two years I have been advocating for safe sleep for infants. In the beginning I believed everyone who heard the story of my son and his untimely death would have no choice but to agree with me, I found out all too quickly that this is not the case. Although, people sympathize with my loss and feel it is sad they do not believe what happened to me would happen to them. So once again they live in denial and convince themselves that I must have done something wrong that caused his death because very rarely do babies die from bed sharing. Then I realized I need to get them to listen at any cost and there are few tactics to get your point across. One way is the fear based approach where you try to scare them into not bed sharing. Although this may work for some it will not work for everyone and we don't want people to not bed share based on fear we want them to see the statistics and facts and come to the same conclusion we have that bed sharing is a very risky and deadly practice for infants. Then there is the guilt approach where you play the grieving mother card which only makes you look desperate and possibly a nut case who is in need of therapy ASAP. I have used this card many times when people just were not listening. I would try and make them understand the reality that has become my life. Then there is the anger approach where you are now seeing read and you are DETERMINED to MAKE them see it your way!!! None of these approaches work and I would not suggest any of them, a lesson I have learned the hard way. Some people will not listen even if it's approached in a positive way because they believe bed sharing to be safe and nothing you say will change their mind. You need to accept that, but maybe you will educate someone and they will listen and choose room sharing over bed sharing and that is why we do this. Even if only one baby is ever saved, consider it a job well done.

Now I have told you why people stick to their beliefs and the approaches that will most likely not change a person's mind so you may be asking how do we get them to realize the truth. First there are a few things to consider... 1. No one likes to be told they are putting their children's life in danger or felt as though they are not a fit parent, they are stupid, or feel as though they are being attacked. Anyone who is being belittled or feels they are being attack while put up their wall and will not listen to anything you say regardless if you have facts to back it up. So how do we educate without making parents feel we are questioning their parenting skills. We need to present facts of why bed sharing is unsafe while being respectful and compassionate. Remember most of us all bed shared at once so we understand why these parents would do it but we need to educate them so they do not become us. Anger and fear is not the way to do this! Let them know you understand where they are coming from but a lot of research has been done and we are learning more and more. 10, 20, 30's years ago we didn't know what we know now. We didn't know bumper pads, sleep positioners, tummy sleeping, and blankets were dangerous. A lot of lives have been saved due to research and to past babies dying so we could learn more. We now know that bed sharing increases a baby's chance of not making it to their first birthday. We aren't here to judge you, but just to give you the correct information so you can make the best choice for your baby while they are sleeping, after all babies spend most of their days/nights sleeping. Let's work together and protect babies from preventable deaths like an unsafe sleep environments, and make sure we are reaching people through respect, compassion, and understanding. Maybe if we change our approach we can save even more babies lives!!!! Something to think about it!!!